Fun facts

I've produced two children, Paxten and Beckham. They're my best buds. 

I'm so social it's dysfunctional. I used to make my parents come with me to switch the basement laundry.

There's a dwarf planet named after me. 

My wife shoots a gun better I do. 

In kindergarten, I purposefully dropped a crayon to kiss my desk partner. Her name was Molly, if you're curious.

I can drink a bottle of water faster than gravity. 

When my eight-member family moved into Linn Creek, Missouri, we increased the population by 3%. 

I wear surgically implanted contacts. They inject them behind your cornea. With a needle. 

I've cried in front of the United States' Senate. 

That's me below cosplaying as a sith. By far the nerdiest thing I've ever done.

Me manipulating the US Senate with my man-tears: